{"id":2966,"date":"2015-07-27T04:02:58","date_gmt":"2015-07-27T09:02:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/?p=2966"},"modified":"2015-08-07T10:16:33","modified_gmt":"2015-08-07T15:16:33","slug":"kids-are-gross","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/kids-are-gross\/","title":{"rendered":"Kids are gross!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/Kids-in-Mud039.jpg?ssl=1\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-2968\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/Kids-in-Mud039.jpg?resize=498%2C356&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"Kids in Mud039\" width=\"498\" height=\"356\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/Kids-in-Mud039.jpg?w=498&amp;ssl=1 498w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/Kids-in-Mud039.jpg?resize=300%2C214&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/Kids-in-Mud039.jpg?resize=400%2C286&amp;ssl=1 400w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 498px) 100vw, 498px\" \/><\/a>I love my kids. I have to open with that, because the following list contains so many reasons why I hate some of the things they do. Most of them are well beyond the ages that typically exhibit these behaviors, but I still remember those days clearly. Very, very clearly.<\/p>\n<p>While not a completely comprehensive list of all the gross things that kids do, this is a pretty good start. I&#8217;ve categorized the infractions because it was easier that way.<\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<h1 style=\"text-align: center;\">Gross Things Kids Do<\/h1>\n<div>\n<h2><b>Boogers &amp; Snot<\/b><\/h2>\n<ul>\n<li>Eating their boogers<\/li>\n<li>Wiping their boogers on their sleeve<\/li>\n<li>Wiping their boogers on their siblings<\/li>\n<li>Wiping their boogers on the furniture. At your Mother\u2019s. Right in front of her.<\/li>\n<li>Licking away snot<\/li>\n<li>Blowing snot bubbles. On purpose. At church.<\/li>\n<li>Wiping their nose with their sleeve<\/li>\n<li>Handing you a used Kleenex<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div>\n<h2><b>Peeing &amp; Pooping<\/b><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>Yelling \u201ccome look\u201d from the bathroom<\/li>\n<li>Dropping toys in the toilet, then begging for retrieval<\/li>\n<li>Peeing in public pools<\/li>\n<li>Peeing in private pools<\/li>\n<li>Peeing in the tub<\/li>\n<li>Pretty much peeing anywhere but the toilet<\/li>\n<li>Announcing they have to pee<\/li>\n<li>Grabbing their crotch when they have to pee<\/li>\n<li>Doing the pee dance<\/li>\n<li>Peeing on the toilet seat. Corollary, announcing to the world that somebody peed on the toilet seat<\/li>\n<li>Pooping in the tub<\/li>\n<li>Pooping in every form of pool. Anywhere. Then announcing it.<\/li>\n<li>Waiting until the diaper is off to poop. Corollary, waiting a tad longer and filling the clean diaper before leaving the changing table<\/li>\n<li>Forgetting to flush<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div>\n<h2><b>Eating<\/b><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>Eating dirt<\/li>\n<li>Eating bugs<\/li>\n<li>Backwashing in your drink, especially in a container where you can\u2019t see it. On the other hand, seeing it is grosser<\/li>\n<li>Playing with food<\/li>\n<li>Eating Play-Doh<\/li>\n<li>Spitting out a mouthful of food because \u201cI don\u2019t like it&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Eating crumbs from their carseats<\/li>\n<li>Eating stuff off the ground<\/li>\n<li>Chewing with their mouth open<\/li>\n<li>Playing \u201csee food\u201d (OK, that one is purely my fault. I still think it\u2019s hilarious, especially behind my wife\u2019s back)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div>\n<h2><b>Bodil<\/b><b>y Functions<\/b><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>Announcing their farts<\/li>\n<li>Burping, then burping on command<\/li>\n<li>Vomiting at the most inconvenient times<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div>\n<h2><b>Simply Gross Habits<\/b><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>Chewing on hair<\/li>\n<li>Giving wet willies<\/li>\n<li>Chewing their fingernails. Extra points for chewing their toenails.<\/li>\n<li>Handing their trash to the adults around them<\/li>\n<li>Dropping mounds of toothpaste everywhere<\/li>\n<li>French kissing the dog, then demand a kiss from you<\/li>\n<li>Peeling their scabs<\/li>\n<li>Coughing &amp; sneezing on everyone else<\/li>\n<li>Playing in mud<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n<hr \/>\n<div align=\"center\"><a title=\"Best of Worst\" href=\"http:\/\/www,runjumpscrap.com\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" style=\"border: none;\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-ulDC_xJDafk\/VUfPQc_PEbI\/AAAAAAAABsk\/5rKMVbcEIeE\/s1600\/bestandworstlinky.png?w=900\" alt=\"Best of Worst\" \/><\/a> <a title=\"The Dad Network\" href=\"http:\/\/www.thedadnetwork.co.uk\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" style=\"border: none;\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.thedadnetwork.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/image-e1423257811431.png?w=900\" alt=\"The Dad Network\" \/><\/a> <a title=\"Mums' Days\" href=\"http:\/\/mumsdays.com\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" style=\"border: none;\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/mumsdays.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/Badge-sml.jpg?w=900\" alt=\"Mums' Days\" \/><\/a> <a title=\"Dad Post of the Week\" href=\"http:\/\/www.whenthedustsettles.co.uk\" rel=\"nofollow\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" style=\"border: none;\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.whenthedustsettles.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/06\/dad-blog-post-of-the-week.jpg?w=900\" alt=\"Dad Post of the Week\" \/><\/a> <a title=\"Modern Dad Pages\" href=\"http:\/\/www.moderndadpages.com\/ \"><img decoding=\"async\" style=\"border: none;\" src=\"http:\/\/i1.wp.com\/www.moderndadpages.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/quotescover-PNG-98.jpg?w=700\" alt=\"Modern Dad Pages\" data-recalc-dims=\"1\" \/><\/a><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I love my kids. I have to open with that, because the following list contains so many reasons why I hate some of the things they do. Most of them are well beyond the ages that typically exhibit these behaviors, but I still remember those days clearly. Very, very clearly. While not a completely comprehensive [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":2969,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"Kids are gross! http:\/\/wp.me\/p5mM9z-LQ","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[6],"tags":[50],"class_list":["post-2966","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting","tag-kids"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Kids are gross! -<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/kids-are-gross\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Kids are gross! -\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I love my kids. I have to open with that, because the following list contains so many reasons why I hate some of the things they do. Most of them are well beyond the ages that typically exhibit these behaviors, but I still remember those days clearly. Very, very clearly. 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