{"id":3662,"date":"2016-02-08T12:01:43","date_gmt":"2016-02-08T17:01:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/?p=3662"},"modified":"2016-02-08T12:01:43","modified_gmt":"2016-02-08T17:01:43","slug":"referee-or-coach","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/referee-or-coach\/","title":{"rendered":"Referee or Coach?"},"content":{"rendered":"<blockquote><p>A <b>referee<\/b> is the person of authority in a variety of <a title=\"Sport\" href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Sport\">sports<\/a> who is responsible for presiding over the game from a neutral point of view and making on-the-fly decisions that enforce the <a title=\"Regulation of sport\" href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Regulation_of_sport\">rules of the sport<\/a>, including <a title=\"Sportsmanship\" href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Sportsmanship\">sportsmanship<\/a> decisions such as <a title=\"Ejection (sports)\" href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Ejection_(sports)\">ejection<\/a>.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p style=\"text-align: right;\"><em>source: https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Referee<\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">As a father to eight kids, I spend a lot of time arbitrating amongst my kids. There are countless battles that arise that need a third-party to intervene to keep all Hell from breaking loose. Or in some cases, from escalating from the Hell that&#8217;s already broken loose! I honestly have considered just donning my black-and-white striped referee shirt on many mornings just so everyone is clear what my role is.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">But honestly, it&#8217;s not the role that I want to play with kids. While I realize that there are always going to be disputes and quarrels, I really believe that the kids should be able to resolve most of these themselves. You see, I think I&#8217;ve got a much more important role to play for my kids: Coach.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">I&#8217;m not talking about the kind of parent who second-guesses the sports coaches, directing their progeny to do what&#8217;s best for them&#8230;often in direct opposition to what&#8217;s best for the team. I&#8217;m not talking about actually donning the gear and standing on the sidelines while their youngsters compete. I&#8217;m talking about coaching the kids through life. Providing guidance and instruction about the much, much bigger picture than just what goes on in sporting competitions.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-medium wp-image-3668\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/boxer-652403_640.jpg?resize=300%2C199&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"boxer-652403_640\" width=\"300\" height=\"199\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/boxer-652403_640.jpg?resize=300%2C199&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/boxer-652403_640.jpg?resize=400%2C266&amp;ssl=1 400w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/boxer-652403_640.jpg?w=640&amp;ssl=1 640w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/>Don&#8217;t get me wrong, I&#8217;ve been the parent-coach in sports plenty of times. At one point I was simultaneously coaching six soccer teams, and only had kids on five of them. I&#8217;ve done my time on the benches, at the fields, and on the practice pitches. I&#8217;ve coached multiple sports at the same time. I&#8217;ve even coached (or tried to coach) sports that I had limited familiarity with because there were insufficient volunteers to provide adult leadership.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">But that was\u00a0<em>just<\/em> sports coaching.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">I&#8217;m talking about a much broader, and more impactful kind of coaching. I&#8217;m talking about life coaching. I don&#8217;t want to be the guy who has to stand\u00a0<em>between<\/em> two of my battling kids. I don&#8217;t want to be the one with the whistle trying to restore order\u00a0<em>after\u00a0<\/em>the altercation has broken out. I want to be the guy who teaches the kids how to avoid conflict, how to settle differences when they occur, and generally be a guide to help them become productive members of society. People who have learned to work together, despite differences. People who make a positive difference in the world just by being there.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">That&#8217;s my real goal.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">As my kids have gotten older, I&#8217;ve had increasing opportunities to see how my prior refereeing and coaching have worked. I&#8217;ve seen them resolve issue that were difficult, fraught with complexity, and highly-charged. I&#8217;ve seen them navigate situations that were beyond what I thought they could manage. Yet they&#8217;ve not only\u00a0<em>managed<\/em>, they&#8217;ve actually excelled.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">With half the kids entirely moved out of the house, my interactions with them are less frequent. I don&#8217;t have the luxury of them seeing my actions on a daily basis. Yet they still call, text, or e-mail for advice on a regular basis. Honestly, we probably communicate more now that they\u00a0are out of the house than when they lived at home. So my opportunities to be a coach to each one are even more abundant than when they were younger.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">For the kids (and my grandson) still living at home, I&#8217;m a bit more hands-on. They get to see me at my best, and they have to endure my worst. I&#8217;ve come to the realization that\u00a0<em>everything I do<\/em> teaches them something. From the moments of unexpected praise that I give them to the times I lose my temper over something&#8230;they are watching me and learning all the time.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">With the dawning of this year, I&#8217;ve been working to try and be more proactive in my coaching of my kids as well as more measured in how I react to things. My goal is to teach them through my words as well as my actions. When you get down to it, I&#8217;m actually intentionally trying to teach them through my example.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">What a concept!<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">How about you&#8230;are you a referee or a coach to your kids?<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-3667 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/seminar-407292_640.jpg?resize=640%2C360&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"seminar-407292_640\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/seminar-407292_640.jpg?w=640&amp;ssl=1 640w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/seminar-407292_640.jpg?resize=300%2C169&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/seminar-407292_640.jpg?resize=400%2C225&amp;ssl=1 400w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" \/><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A referee is the person of authority in a variety of sports who is responsible for presiding over the game from a neutral point of view and making on-the-fly decisions that enforce the rules of the sport, including sportsmanship decisions such as ejection. source: https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Referee As a father to eight kids, I spend a lot [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":3669,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3662","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Referee or Coach? 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