{"id":4432,"date":"2019-04-05T03:45:43","date_gmt":"2019-04-05T08:45:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/?p=4432"},"modified":"2019-03-28T18:50:43","modified_gmt":"2019-03-28T23:50:43","slug":"the-death-spiral","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/the-death-spiral\/","title":{"rendered":"\ud83d\udc80The Death Spiral\ud83d\udc80"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<div style=\"width:100%;height:0;padding-bottom:67%;position:relative;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/giphy.com\/embed\/Z6E3lZuVXuZa\" width=\"100%\" height=\"100%\" style=\"position:absolute\" frameBorder=\"0\" class=\"giphy-embed\" allowFullScreen><\/iframe><\/div><p><a href=\"https:\/\/giphy.com\/gifs\/film-the-lord-of-rings-death-Z6E3lZuVXuZa\"><\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I had an interesting discussion with one of my daughter\u2019s boyfriends the other day. I\u2019ve known him for years and we often commiserate about the issues of dealing with my family. Don\u2019t get me wrong, I love my family\u2026but you know how you have to let off steam sometimes. Especially to somebody who understands and won\u2019t judge you for exposing the little irritations that exist. It was one of <em>those discussions<\/em>.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"900\" height=\"82\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Dia-de-Muertos-Divider.png?resize=900%2C82&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-4437\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Dia-de-Muertos-Divider.png?resize=1024%2C93&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Dia-de-Muertos-Divider.png?resize=300%2C27&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Dia-de-Muertos-Divider.png?resize=768%2C70&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Dia-de-Muertos-Divider.png?resize=400%2C36&amp;ssl=1 400w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Dia-de-Muertos-Divider.png?w=1100&amp;ssl=1 1100w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 900px) 100vw, 900px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>So there we were, talking about all the things going on and he said \u201cShe always says that Christmas is her favorite time of year\u2026but she\u2019s such a pain in the butt during the holidays. She\u2019s so stressed and a total bear\u201d. OK, he didn\u2019t actually say \u201cbear\u201d, but this is a family blog\u2026so fill in the B* word yourself.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>After he left, I got to thinking about Christmastime and all the conflicting feelings I have during this season. In a lot of ways I repeat the same pattern several times a year, but this is the first time I recognized it. Honestly, the start of the school year, Christmas, the dawn of the new year, and the onset of summer are all essentially the same.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"900\" height=\"82\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Dia-de-Muertos-Divider.png?resize=900%2C82&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-4437\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Dia-de-Muertos-Divider.png?resize=1024%2C93&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Dia-de-Muertos-Divider.png?resize=300%2C27&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Dia-de-Muertos-Divider.png?resize=768%2C70&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Dia-de-Muertos-Divider.png?resize=400%2C36&amp;ssl=1 400w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Dia-de-Muertos-Divider.png?w=1100&amp;ssl=1 1100w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 900px) 100vw, 900px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>I start off energized&nbsp;<\/li><li>I do the planning and prepping&nbsp;<\/li><li>I give myself the pep talk\u2026&#8221;this time I\u2019m going to do things right&#8221;<\/li><li>I get started&nbsp;<\/li><li>Things go well&nbsp;<\/li><li>I stumble but get reset with a bit of willpower&nbsp;<\/li><li>I revise my end-goal a tiny bit&nbsp;<\/li><li>I stumble again and it takes more effort to get back on the path&nbsp;<\/li><li>I revise my end-goal a bit more&nbsp;<\/li><li>Stumble again and I\u2019m out in the weeds but make it back to the path with a Herculean effort&nbsp;<\/li><li>I decide to reset my goal to <em>something more reasonable<\/em>&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/li><li>I stumble away from the path and can\u2019t find my way back&nbsp;<\/li><li>I lose all motivation for the original goal&nbsp;<\/li><li>I give up on this goal&nbsp;<\/li><li>I tell myself \u201cLife Happens\u201d&nbsp;<\/li><li>I try not to beat myself up too much for failing&nbsp;<\/li><li>I look ahead to the next opportunity to set a goal and achieve it&nbsp;<\/li><li>and I jump into the same cycle all over again!&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"900\" height=\"82\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Dia-de-Muertos-Divider.png?resize=900%2C82&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-4437\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Dia-de-Muertos-Divider.png?resize=1024%2C93&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Dia-de-Muertos-Divider.png?resize=300%2C27&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Dia-de-Muertos-Divider.png?resize=768%2C70&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Dia-de-Muertos-Divider.png?resize=400%2C36&amp;ssl=1 400w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Dia-de-Muertos-Divider.png?w=1100&amp;ssl=1 1100w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 900px) 100vw, 900px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Does any of that sound familiar?&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As I\u2019m writing this, I\u2019ve just followed this pattern twice since Halloween. I set out some goals to complete holiday stuff very early this year. I was going to have the family work together to decorate our Christmas trees two days after Thanksgiving so we\u2019d be able to enjoy the trees throughout all of December. I was going to have all the presents bought and wrapped. There wasn\u2019t going to be any rushed shipping. We were going to decorate Christmas cookies in a relaxed and sane environment.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"900\" height=\"82\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Dia-de-Muertos-Divider.png?resize=900%2C82&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-4437\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Dia-de-Muertos-Divider.png?resize=1024%2C93&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Dia-de-Muertos-Divider.png?resize=300%2C27&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Dia-de-Muertos-Divider.png?resize=768%2C70&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Dia-de-Muertos-Divider.png?resize=400%2C36&amp;ssl=1 400w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Dia-de-Muertos-Divider.png?w=1100&amp;ssl=1 1100w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 900px) 100vw, 900px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Apparently I also planned for Unicorns to do a choreographed dance on the front lawn.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Honestly, I don\u2019t remember\u2026because nothing has worked out as planned!\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>With 8 days until Christmas, I\u2019m still way behind on presents. The tree is up with lights\u2026but no ornaments are on it. We\u2019ve now agreed to host a family party for somewhere between 40-100 guests. We won\u2019t know how many are attending\u2026so I have to wing it entirely. The house is a mess. I own all the components for making Christmas cookies\u2026but we don\u2019t have time to make them.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And I\u2019m grumpy because \u201cLife Happened\u201d and I\u2019ve failed again.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Yup, I\u2019m wallowing in the negative self-talk and it stinks.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"900\" height=\"82\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Dia-de-Muertos-Divider.png?resize=900%2C82&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-4437\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Dia-de-Muertos-Divider.png?resize=1024%2C93&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Dia-de-Muertos-Divider.png?resize=300%2C27&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Dia-de-Muertos-Divider.png?resize=768%2C70&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Dia-de-Muertos-Divider.png?resize=400%2C36&amp;ssl=1 400w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Dia-de-Muertos-Divider.png?w=1100&amp;ssl=1 1100w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 900px) 100vw, 900px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>So here\u2019s the thing\u2026I know I\u2019m not alone. And you should know you\u2019re not alone. This is a problem for all of us. Maybe you don\u2019t have it quite as bad as I do. Or maybe you\u2019ve got a super-sized version. But either way, like they say in <em>High School Musical<\/em>, <strong>we\u2019re all in this together<\/strong>.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019m going to be digging deeper into the problem itself and some solutions, so if you\u2019d like to read more, come back and join me on the journey.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In the meantime, don\u2019t be too hard on yourself. None of us are perfect, yet we set these expectations for ourselves that are far above what any normal person can achieve. Then we beat ourselves up when we don\u2019t excel. It\u2019s time to stop doing that!&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So sit back and think about some of the good stuff in life. Recognize that you\u2019re not going to fix this in a day, so get ready to take a journey. But also know that this is doable and little by little you can make life better!&nbsp;<br><\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"900\" height=\"82\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Dia-de-Muertos-Divider.png?resize=900%2C82&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-4437\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Dia-de-Muertos-Divider.png?resize=1024%2C93&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Dia-de-Muertos-Divider.png?resize=300%2C27&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Dia-de-Muertos-Divider.png?resize=768%2C70&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Dia-de-Muertos-Divider.png?resize=400%2C36&amp;ssl=1 400w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Dia-de-Muertos-Divider.png?w=1100&amp;ssl=1 1100w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 900px) 100vw, 900px\" \/><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I had an interesting discussion with one of my daughter\u2019s boyfriends the other day. I\u2019ve known him for years and we often commiserate about the issues of dealing with my family. Don\u2019t get me wrong, I love my family\u2026but you know how you have to let off steam sometimes. Especially to somebody who understands and [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":4436,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[5,7,8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4432","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-musings","category-perfectionist","category-productivity"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>\ud83d\udc80The Death Spiral\ud83d\udc80 -<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/the-death-spiral\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"\ud83d\udc80The Death Spiral\ud83d\udc80 -\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I had an interesting discussion with one of my daughter\u2019s boyfriends the other day. I\u2019ve known him for years and we often commiserate about the issues of dealing with my family. Don\u2019t get me wrong, I love my family\u2026but you know how you have to let off steam sometimes. Especially to somebody who understands and [&hellip;]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/the-death-spiral\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2019-04-05T08:45:43+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/Death-Spiral-200x200.png?fit=200%2C200&ssl=1\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"200\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"200\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"HecticDad\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"HecticDad\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" 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