{"id":4455,"date":"2019-05-01T03:45:21","date_gmt":"2019-05-01T08:45:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/?p=4455"},"modified":"2019-04-30T12:56:30","modified_gmt":"2019-04-30T17:56:30","slug":"kind-of-letting-go","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/kind-of-letting-go\/","title":{"rendered":"“Kind of” Letting Go"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\u201cYou\u2019re doing it wrong. Just let me!\u201d\u00a0<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

If I had a penny for every time I said that as the kids were growing up, I\u2019d be rich. Hi, I\u2019m Jeff and I\u2019m a micromanager. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

There, I admitted it, now leave me alone and let me do everything because if you want to get something done, you have to do it yourself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know, I know, it\u2019s a stupid thing to believe and it\u2019s damaging to both myself and everybody around me. But honestly, it\u2019s a hard habit to shake. I have to work really hard to delegate tasks to other people. Every time I delegate a task, I have a certain methodology in mind of how that task should be accomplished. If I have to watch the task being done and it doesn\u2019t fit my mental model\u2026I struggle to not step in and take it back. But in reality, that\u2019s not delegation. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The definition of delegation<\/em>\u00a0from the Merriam-Webster dictionary makes it crystal clear where I\u2019ve gone wrong. The definition says the act of empowering to act for another<\/em>. It doesn\u2019t say anything about performing tasks in a particular way. That word empowering<\/em>\u00a0is where I drop the ball. Most of the time when I ask someone to do a task for me, I\u2019m asking them to act like my clone. To mirror the way I would do something. Rather than focusing on the outcome<\/em>, I focus on the path<\/em>\u00a0to that achievement. Then when I steal the task back I\u2019ve wasted everybody\u2019s time. Rather than leveraging off of the other person\u2019s efforts I\u2019ve belittled them and I\u2019ve slowed myself down.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stupid, stupid, stupid.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Like I said, it\u2019s a really hard habit to break, but I\u2019m trying. The first part in my journey to delegate better has been to recognize when I\u2019m kind of letting go<\/em>. Every time I ask somebody to do something, I try to stop thinking about the task. Or at least stop thinking about the task itself. I whisper to myself \u201cit\u2019ll get done when it gets done\u201d. I\u2019ve worked hard to focus on the task I\u2019m working on so that I can\u2019t micromanage the delegated task or person. And I try really hard to not watch the person I\u2019ve delegated to.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s been a huge struggle, and I\u2019m still failing more than I\u2019m succeeding. I battle my desire to explain<\/em> how the task should be done. How it could be done better. How there\u2019s a singularly efficient way to achieve the result I want. I often have a raging battle inside of me to check up<\/em> on their progress. But that\u2019s the core of the problem! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

What I need to do is to learn to truly let go<\/em>. To simply give a task away and be overjoyed when I receive the result. The way<\/em>\u00a0the task is done is usually unimportant. And even on those occasions when it matters\u2026if I let the other person do things their way they might learn something. Over time, I\u2019m learning that if I truly let go<\/em>, the other person will be willing to ask questions if they need help\u2026especially if there is no fear that I\u2019ll steal the task back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In fact, Hectic Grandson has learned that my new approach means he\u2019s going to have to do the task no matter what. You see, he\u2019d discovered that if I gave him a task and he didn\u2019t want to do it, all he had to do was ask a few questions about how<\/em>\u00a0to do the task. I would get exasperated and say, \u201cyou go off and play, I\u2019ll just do it myself\u201d. It turned out my darling grandson had learned how to manipulate me into getting the result he wanted. In an odd way, just like regifting, he was redelegating<\/em>\u00a0the task back to me.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He\u2019s five and has figured out how to delegate better than I have! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

His example has actually given me a lot of strength to really let go<\/em>. I\u2019m doing a much better job of not stepping in when things aren\u2019t going right for him. I\u2019m available to provide guidance, but only if he asks or he\u2019s in danger. And frankly, there isn\u2019t much that I delegate that could put him in danger. So I\u2019m waiting for him to ask for help\u2026if he chooses to. If he doesn\u2019t, then I\u2019ll accept the result. If it\u2019s not what I wanted<\/em> for the result, then I have to accept that it\u2019s my fault for not explaining properly. If it\u2019s not what I need<\/em> and I feel like I clearly explained what the result was, then we have a heart-to-heart and correct the problem. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The funny thing is, he\u2019s now asking a lot more questions when I delegate to him. He\u2019s not afraid to ask, nor does he work under the assumption that I\u2019ll take the task back. Rather, he\u2019s asking so that he can provide the result I want with as little effort as possible. In a way, that\u2019s really smart. He doesn\u2019t want to waste his precious time<\/em> any more than I do. He\u2019s very willing to help out, but doesn\u2019t want to do more work than necessary. Not in a bad way, but in a very mature way. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Who would\u2019ve thought I\u2019d learn how to delegate from a five year-old? 
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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