{"id":908,"date":"2014-05-02T05:01:33","date_gmt":"2014-05-02T10:01:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/iip-group.com\/hectic-dad\/?p=908"},"modified":"2015-06-12T16:18:54","modified_gmt":"2015-06-12T21:18:54","slug":"theyre-not-heavy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/theyre-not-heavy\/","title":{"rendered":"They’re not heavy, they’re my kids"},"content":{"rendered":"

Life is full of challenges. It’s unpredictable. Sometimes that means it’s exciting, sometimes it means it terrifying. The only thing that’s for certain is that life will go on, and it will change.<\/p>\n

The past few months have been full of lots of challenges for the Hectic Family. We’ve had all sorts of things arise that we didn’t expect to face. We’ve had some immense joys and some really scary events. We’ve had to make some snap decisions with very little information, and we’ve had the time to fret about other situations for far too long.<\/p>\n

I keep getting asked the question, “How are you doing it…facing all these challenges and experiences?”, and I half-jokingly have taken to replying “Hakuna Matata”. But quite honestly, that’s really been my approach. The past is the past. It’s what has happened. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it’s full of joy, sometimes it’s both intertwined so they can’t be separated. But there’s no use fretting over it. It’s there, but there is a lot more future than there is past, so I’m choosing to focus on that.<\/p>\n

With four of my daughters living out of state, three for college and one pursuing her career, it’s hard to stay in touch. I’ve mentioned this before, while technology is great, there is a lot that gets dropped when we’re converted to digital. I’m enamored of the fact that we can Skype\/Facetime. I love the immediacy of texting. We e-mail for more complex things. We snapchat and Facebook post for silly stuff. And we’re in much greater contact that I ever was with my parents at this stage of life. But there are miles between us, and inflection simply doesn’t come through in a text.<\/p>\n

All my kids are facing huge life decisions, and I’m working 24×7 to try and come up with advice that fits their situations, personalities, and the realities of today’s world. It’s a full-time job…in addition to all the other\u00a0full-time jobs<\/em> that I seem to hold down.<\/p>\n

Lately, several of the kids have hovered at the breaking point. Whether it’s finals in school, life decisions about careers, or broken appliance in the apartment the stresses on them have been numerous and overwhelming. And on several occasions I’ve stepped up and taken as much of the burden off of them as I can. I’m not being a helicopter parent, watching every little move and trying to micromanage their lives. Rather, I’ve been the safety net they need just before falling. Sometimes the support has been financial. Sometimes it’s been to listen to them talk. Sometimes it’s involved greater intervention. But in every case, I’m striving to provide them with the level of support each one needs at exactly the right moment.<\/p>\n

And it’s exhausting. When I recently heard Garth Brooks Much Too Young to Feel This Damned Old<\/i> on a recent car trip, I was belting it out with more than my usual enthusiasm. I suck as singing, but that doesn’t stop me. Usually I’m in the car alone and nobody is there to witness my awful vocal proclivities. On this particular trip, I managed to wake both Hectic Mom and my younger son. The both just sat there, with that just-awakened look in their eyes, staring at me. They were incredulous that I didn’t stop singing the moment they woke up. But you know what…I was too invested in what I was communicating (mostly to myself) to stop. I just kept singing.<\/p>\n

\"Image<\/a>
Image courtesy of Ambro \/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Not long after, I was asked how I\u00a0do it<\/em>. How I can accept all these additional tasks and burdens that the kids have. I honestly stood there dumbfounded. It really hadn’t occurred to me that there was any other way to live. The kids need me and I can help…so I do. Simply as that. But this friend kept pressing me. She said, “Doesn’t it weigh you down to where you can’t do anything”. And again, I was baffled. I even referenced the Hollie’s song\u00a0He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother<\/a><\/em>\u00a0as a way to explain that the burden didn’t even register with me. Now it was her turn to look dumbfounded. She’s a bit younger than I am, and the song wasn’t one she knew. I was about to reference the famous Boys’ Town saying<\/a> to her, but realized that was an even older reference. So I had to explain that certain things that appear to be\u00a0burdens<\/em> to other people really don’t feel that way when you lift them off your loved one’s shoulders. When my kids need me to shoulder part of their burden, I just do it. I’ve watched them do this for each other too. Not always huge things, sometimes it’s just a little thing that one does for another, but it’s a legacy that we have in our family. I’m sure you do to. Just that idea that we’re part of a family, and we help each other out.<\/p>\n

So I’m working under two mottos right now, “Hakuna Matata” and “They’re not heavy, they’re my kids”. And I’m fine with that. In fact, it helps me feel that I’m actually being more helpful that I could be otherwise. Sometimes it’s hard to convince the kids to let me take the burdens, large or small, off their shoulders, but we’re all getting better about asking for help and offering it. We’re collectively coming to an understanding of how to operate as a Hectic Family that’s spread across many time zones, and sometimes across continents. It’s taking some getting used to, but we’re getting there.<\/p>\n

And honestly, as I’m drifting off to sleep, wondering what’s up in the lives of my Diaspora children, it helps me sleep better knowing that in some small ways I’m still there for them. Even if it’s just silently keeping one or more of their burdens for safe-keeping.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Life is full of challenges. It’s unpredictable. Sometimes that means it’s exciting, sometimes it means it terrifying. The only thing that’s for certain is that life will go on, and it will change. The past few months have been full of lots of challenges for the Hectic Family. We’ve had all sorts of things arise […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":913,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[6],"tags":[29,31,50,128],"class_list":["post-908","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting","tag-family","tag-father","tag-kids","tag-parenting"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"\nThey're not heavy, they're my kids -<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/theyre-not-heavy\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"They're not heavy, they're my kids -\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Life is full of challenges. It’s unpredictable. Sometimes that means it’s exciting, sometimes it means it terrifying. The only thing that’s for certain is that life will go on, and it will change. The past few months have been full of lots of challenges for the Hectic Family. We’ve had all sorts of things arise […]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/theyre-not-heavy\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2014-05-02T10:01:33+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2015-06-12T21:18:54+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/i1.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/ID-10063213.jpg?fit=266%2C400&ssl=1\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"266\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"400\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"HecticDad\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"HecticDad\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/theyre-not-heavy\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/theyre-not-heavy\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"HecticDad\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/#\/schema\/person\/9363b57936e239608f889fc72fe9fc3b\"},\"headline\":\"They’re not heavy, they’re my kids\",\"datePublished\":\"2014-05-02T10:01:33+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2015-06-12T21:18:54+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/theyre-not-heavy\/\"},\"wordCount\":1001,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/theyre-not-heavy\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/ID-10063213.jpg?fit=266%2C400&ssl=1\",\"keywords\":[\"Family\",\"Father\",\"Kids\",\"Parenting\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Parenting\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/theyre-not-heavy\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/theyre-not-heavy\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/theyre-not-heavy\/\",\"name\":\"They're not heavy, they're my kids -\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/theyre-not-heavy\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/theyre-not-heavy\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/ID-10063213.jpg?fit=266%2C400&ssl=1\",\"datePublished\":\"2014-05-02T10:01:33+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2015-06-12T21:18:54+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/#\/schema\/person\/9363b57936e239608f889fc72fe9fc3b\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/theyre-not-heavy\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/theyre-not-heavy\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/theyre-not-heavy\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/ID-10063213.jpg?fit=266%2C400&ssl=1\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/ID-10063213.jpg?fit=266%2C400&ssl=1\",\"width\":266,\"height\":400,\"caption\":\"Image courtesy of Ambro \/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net\"},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/theyre-not-heavy\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"They’re not heavy, they’re my kids\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/\",\"name\":\"\",\"description\":\"It's a hectic life, but somebody has to blog about it.\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/#\/schema\/person\/9363b57936e239608f889fc72fe9fc3b\",\"name\":\"HecticDad\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/451d329704a0194a98f84b0d783a6073fdac032fe1397b2dd17d56208274b0ab?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/451d329704a0194a98f84b0d783a6073fdac032fe1397b2dd17d56208274b0ab?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"HecticDad\"},\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/author\/hecticdad\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"They're not heavy, they're my kids -","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/theyre-not-heavy\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"They're not heavy, they're my kids -","og_description":"Life is full of challenges. It’s unpredictable. Sometimes that means it’s exciting, sometimes it means it terrifying. The only thing that’s for certain is that life will go on, and it will change. The past few months have been full of lots of challenges for the Hectic Family. We’ve had all sorts of things arise […]","og_url":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/theyre-not-heavy\/","article_published_time":"2014-05-02T10:01:33+00:00","article_modified_time":"2015-06-12T21:18:54+00:00","og_image":[{"width":266,"height":400,"url":"https:\/\/i1.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/ID-10063213.jpg?fit=266%2C400&ssl=1","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"HecticDad","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"HecticDad","Est. reading time":"5 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/theyre-not-heavy\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/theyre-not-heavy\/"},"author":{"name":"HecticDad","@id":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/#\/schema\/person\/9363b57936e239608f889fc72fe9fc3b"},"headline":"They’re not heavy, they’re my kids","datePublished":"2014-05-02T10:01:33+00:00","dateModified":"2015-06-12T21:18:54+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/theyre-not-heavy\/"},"wordCount":1001,"commentCount":0,"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/theyre-not-heavy\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/ID-10063213.jpg?fit=266%2C400&ssl=1","keywords":["Family","Father","Kids","Parenting"],"articleSection":["Parenting"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/theyre-not-heavy\/#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/theyre-not-heavy\/","url":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/theyre-not-heavy\/","name":"They're not heavy, they're my kids -","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/theyre-not-heavy\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/theyre-not-heavy\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/ID-10063213.jpg?fit=266%2C400&ssl=1","datePublished":"2014-05-02T10:01:33+00:00","dateModified":"2015-06-12T21:18:54+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/#\/schema\/person\/9363b57936e239608f889fc72fe9fc3b"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/theyre-not-heavy\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/theyre-not-heavy\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/theyre-not-heavy\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/ID-10063213.jpg?fit=266%2C400&ssl=1","contentUrl":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/ID-10063213.jpg?fit=266%2C400&ssl=1","width":266,"height":400,"caption":"Image courtesy of Ambro \/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/theyre-not-heavy\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"They’re not heavy, they’re my kids"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/","name":"","description":"It's a hectic life, but somebody has to blog about it.","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/#\/schema\/person\/9363b57936e239608f889fc72fe9fc3b","name":"HecticDad","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/451d329704a0194a98f84b0d783a6073fdac032fe1397b2dd17d56208274b0ab?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/451d329704a0194a98f84b0d783a6073fdac032fe1397b2dd17d56208274b0ab?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"HecticDad"},"url":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/author\/hecticdad\/"}]}},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/ID-10063213.jpg?fit=266%2C400&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p5mM9z-eE","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/908","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=908"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/908\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2664,"href":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/908\/revisions\/2664"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/913"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=908"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=908"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hectic-dad.com\/hectic-dad\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=908"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}