Life’s weird, isn’t it?

At one point you’re rocking along, following a given path, things are going smoothly. You’ve got things figured out, you know what to do, and there aren’t a lot of bumps in the road. Then all of the sudden everything turns to crap, everything you thought you knew evaporates, and you’re stuck wondering what the heck is going on.

Blogging is a microcosm of that.

For years I was doing really well with this blog. I was writing on a regular basis. I knew how to get things done. And I was really enjoying myself. Sure, I didn’t have a whole lot of readers, but I had enough that it still seemed worthwhile. And I’d made some really great online friends. You know, the kind you’ve never met in person but just know that they’re kindred spirits. If it hadn’t been for this blog I never would’ve met my friend Andrew. Quite honestly, I’m sure my life would be dramatically different if I hadn’t. He’s been an awesome sounding board for several years now.

But life had a few curveballs up its sleeve. And I thought I had a different path to follow. So I tightened my belt and started off on that new path. I never planned on blog fading here, I was just going to add a little bit to my plate and keep writing this blog while pursuing those other options. Most of that work went into the products and services at Hectic-Kitchen. But there were other things happening too. Things that I couldn’t really foresee…no matter how intently I stared into my crystal ball.

It happened slowly at first. So slowly that I didn’t really notice. Essentially, I didn’t have the energy to do all the things I was trying to do…and this blog was the item that took the hit. I’d post late some weeks. Occasionally I missed a post. But in my mind, I wasn’t stopping…things were just crazy. But that’s part of the Hectic brand…life is like that sometimes, you just have to go with the flow. So I started going with the flow. But the struggle became more and more difficult.

Something had to give…and it ended up being the Hectic-Dad blog.

For months I felt guilty about it. I felt that I’d let my readers down. All those great people who’d been so kind to me on the internet were being abandoned…and it made me feel awful. I kept moving forward with my other pursuits, but I had this lingering feeling as each week passed that I was failing somebody out there.

Then I had renewed energy and in February 2017 after a lot of planning and introspection, I decided it was time to relaunch my efforts towards the blog. I even wrote a post about it: I Fell Off The Wagon.

I was gung ho. I was making a fresh start. Things would be different…my goals were set and my sights were clear. I knew what I could accomplish and I set out to do it.

And I failed big-time.

How big? I didn’t post another thing on the blog until Christmas 2018!

Since then I’m been battling with exactly how I want to attack 2019. I don’t want to leave everybody hanging. But I don’t want to overcommit. So I’ve got one heel on the don’t over-commit box on my left, and the other heel on the don’t under-perform box on my right…and they’re slowly slipping away from each other. Right now I feel like I’m doing the splits…and the boxes are still moving. It’s not really comfortable…but it’s life.

I know…I’ve got metaphors and similes out the wazoo…but you get the idea.

I’m struggling with how I want to move forward without trying to do too much. And still be successful…whatever that really means.

Gah…this is totally crazy.

But I know one thing…I’ve been writing every week day since January 8th when I decided that part of what I had to do was write more. And I’ve written a lot. As of earlier today I’ve written 57,902 words in 28:19 hours of writing. It’s still not nearly enough for what I want to accomplish…but it’s an awesome start. And as I write more, I have more ideas. My Evernote idea notebook has so much in it right now…it’s ridiculous.

So the upshot is that I’m on the verge of something big. Unfortunately, I’m not exactly sure what that something is. I’m not certain what I’m going to do with all those words. I’m not sure when you’re going to start seeing them. And I don’t even know what form they’re going to be in. But I do know that I need to keep vomiting them onto the page (sorry about that image). The words need to keep flowing so that the words backed up behind them can get out. Then I’ll work on crafting them into something that makes sense to show to the world.

In the meantime, I keep going back to that post when about how I fell off the wagon…and I’m watching the video list at the end. It’s surprisingly motivational. And it’s kind of fun. I keep playing those videos and reading the explanations of why I picked those particular songs, and it’s speaking to me again. Nearly two years down the road from when I wrote them originally.

The only thing that’s different this time around is that I know I’m back on the wagon this time. I’ve got lots and lots of words to prove that…I just need to figure out how to use them.

If you’re a longtime visitor to the blog, thanks for bearing with me. If you’re new, there’s tons of things for you to explore while I’m trying to get my act together. I’ve got horses to hitch to this wagon so we can get going on this journey!