There are always two, aren’t there?
- Left-handed vs. Right-handed
- Saver vs. Spender
- Ying vs. Yang
- Talker vs. Silent one
- Planner vs. Free Spirit
- Right-brained vs. Left-brained
- Productivity Geek vs. Maverick
The world seems to work better because of the balance between two ends of the spectrum. It’s almost as if life needs to have a precarious teeter-totter between two extremes. Yet, as someone entrenched on one side of the balancing act, it can be terrifically frustrating.
Last night and this morning was a great example of the tug-of-war that exists between the two sides of the coin. My youngest daughter, Colleen, was scheduled for a dental appointment this morning at 8am. In an effort to avoid having to get Hectic Grandson up two hours earlier than normal (don’t judge, he’s a night owl), I talked with his Mom (Becca), Hectic Wife, and Colleen and we devised a plan for the driving arrangements. The first plan had Becca driving Colleen to the dentist, dropping her off, and continuing on to work. That meant that Becca would have to leave the house 10 minutes early. It meant that I would get Hectic Grandson up earlier than normal, but not too much earlier, and we would then drive Colleen from the dentist to school. Hectic Wife wouldn’t have to do any of the driving, freeing her up to get to the office on-time. Everyone agreed to this plan. In my mind, I was coming down off the mountain with one carved tablet with the plan. I was fully prepared to see it implemented in 10 hours.
A bit later I discovered Colleen in her room, on the verge of tears. I asked her what was wrong and she broke my heart when she said, “I’m scared to go to the dentist alone, and especially to have to be there alone the whole time”. I share her dislike of dental procedures, and it saddened me that I had forgotten her fear. She had only agreed to go alone with the plan because it seemed the best for everyone…but her.
As someone who is a doer, I immediately sprung into action. I talked to Becca about getting Hectic Grandson up earlier and having him dressed so that I could take Colleen to the dentist and Hectic Grandson and I would then stay with her during her appointment. Following the completion of the appointment we would drive her to school. The positive side was that Colleen’s fears would be eased, Becca wouldn’t have to leave the house any earlier, and Hectic Wife was still not impacted. Everyone agreed to the revised plan. In my mind, I dashed the first tablet against the rocks and strode down the mountain with the revised plan. A glorious replacement to the first plan that was better for almost everyone involved. In just 9:30 hours we would be implementing the revised plan!
This morning, I got up and drove Lance to High School at 6:30. When I arrived home at 7:00am, Hectic Wife said “I’ll drive Colleen to her appointment and stay with her, then I’ll drive her to school”. I was shocked and disappointed. We had the revised plan and I was in the midst of implementing it. The revised plan hadn’t been developed in a vacuum. We had all engaged in a discussion, brainstorming, idea development, and finally agreed upon a plan that would work for everyone. At no point was the option for Hectic Wife to drive Colleen even offered. It wasn’t a consideration that had come up in the brainstorming. If it had been, we would have weighed that option along with the others and it might have been selected. But we had the revised plan until Hectic Wife decided to change it.
That, in a nutshell, is what drives me crazy sometimes. My early morning was planned around the events we agreed to the night before. My mind was in a particular mode, and I was ready to act on the revised plan. While I appreciated the fact that I didn’t have to get Hectic Grandson up earlier than usual, I felt a bit off-kilter with such a sudden and late change of plans. Honestly, it threw me off enough that I started this post.
To make matters more complicated, there was no guarantee that Hectic Wife could stay for the entire appointment, nor that she could drive Colleen to school. This opened a loop that has been nagging at me for over an hour. I might have to drive Colleen…meaning I might have to awaken Hectic Grandson. Everything would depend on how long the appointment went. So I’ve been writing and fretting, waiting for the proactive text that would tell me they were headed to the school or that I had to come pick Colleen up. We had guessed that the appointment would last 30 minutes, and that would just barely fall inside the time that Hectic Wife could stay. We guessed that at 45 minutes I would have to do the driving. So at 42 minutes past the appointment start I texted Hectic Wife to see what I needed to do. Since the proactive text hadn’t come, I figured I would have to be the proactive one. She replied with a text showing a picture of the school. I surmise that this meant that she was able to stay the entire time and then drove Colleen. Of course, in my mind I needed the closure.
This is just one example among dozens, sometimes hundreds during the course of the week. I involve everybody in making a plan…and then someone comes up with an alternative plan at the last minute. I will freely admit that some of the last-minute plans are superior to the one we devised previously. I’ll also admit that we often can’t control our circumstances for availability, and opportunities arise when the plans must change. But hundreds of times a week? Seriously? We can’t, as a family, think far enough ahead to even consider the different options that might be available? If we could, then our plans would have the potential to better. Maybe they wouldn’t have to change so much. If I could just get my Free Spirits to sit down, think things through, and help come up with the best plans possible, we’d all be better off.
But there’s the rub.
I’m trying to get my Free Spirits to act like Planners. I’m asking them to do something that is completely outside their comfort zone. I’m trying to get them to be something they’re not. It’s not fair to expect them to be more like me. On the other hand, their changing of plans all the time means that I have to act more like them.
So do we drop planning altogether?
Jeepers, I hope not. Things are chaotic enough surrounding the Hectic Family! If we didn’t have any plans I’m sure things would be vastly worse. Honestly, I shudder at the thought of trying to run this household with no plans. If no planning isn’t the answer, what is? Is there some middle ground where we have plans and the majority of them are carried out as planned? Is there a way to have plans and flexibility without my having to become a complete Free Spirit and just “go with the flow”?
How about you, are you the Free Spirit or the Planner? How do you deal with this conundrum? Has anybody solved it? Please let me know!
